Something strange in Suna
by The Handsome Blue Beast
Summary: Kankuro's up to something, and Temari wants to find out what. Really weird, but true! Okay, it's not true. Oneshot. Just odd.


HI! It's me again, if you've read my other story. If you haven't, welcome to the wonderful world of me! I wrote this just for kicks, since Gaara, Kankuro and Temari are (to me at least) the funniest of the ninja. Enjoy!

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Temari was worried about her little brother. No, not Gaara, he was sitting contentedly on the couch, watchingBenny Hillreruns. It was Kankuro. He had been leaving the house late at night to go do something, and hadn't been coming back until around 3:00. She honestly couldn't trust him. For god sakes, the boy wears make-up! Temari admitted, she didn't have much leeway over him, since she also had her own odd things she liked to do at night. But that was for another fanfic, and she had to find out what was up. Kankuro came up from the basement in his usual attire.

"I'm going out for a little while." He announced, striding towards the door.

"What's in that bag?" Temari asked as nonchalantly as she could. Kankuro turned to her and glared.

"None of your business, that's what." He left in a hurry, obviously trying to conceal something. Temari knew she could catch him tonight! She rushed upstairs and quickly changed into her Sherlock Holmes outfit. She was nothing if not a cosplayer. Taking the stairs two at a time, she hurried out the kitchen door.

"Gaara, I'm leaving for a little while, can you man the fort by yourself?"

"Mmm." Was the only reply she got from her sibling, who was enveloped in his little world of British humor.

"Okay then, see you in a bit!"

Gaara waited a few minutes after the door closed before peeking outside to make sure they were really both gone. He breathed a sigh of relief and settled into his chair. It had been ages since he'd had the house to himself. One thing was for sure tonight. He was going to need some tighter pants and a helluva lot more whip-cream.

Temari dodged behind trash cans and lampposts, following her brother like a bloodhound. Kankuro would occasionally double back and make sure no one was following him. Temari was now positive he was doing something he shouldn't. She noticed Kankuro approaching some shady looking fellows. Oh no! It was the dreaded male prostitutes of Sunagakure!

"Well, that explains the make-up..." she muttered to herself. But Kankuro walked right past them, only waving a friendly hello. Temari was now really confused. Where else would the youth be going at this time of night? And with that get up? He approached the Speedy Mart, and walked through the doors. Temari tried to follow, but was cut off by the man hoes.

"Well well guys, it looks like there's a little lady trying to take our turf."

Temari looked at her costume. How the heck was this prostitute material? It was freakin Sherlock Holmes!

"Maybe you guys are confused," she said, and by their dress they probably were,"but I'm not a prostitute. How would I be taking your turf anyway? Shouldn't you be attracting lady costumers?"

"We don't lean that way." One of the hoes told her.

"Oh." Temari said, and then the mental image hit and she had to go find a trash can.

Once she was done vomiting, she grabbed a newspaper and covered her face before entering the store. Kankuro was heating up a soft shell taco in the microwave, and holding a six-pack of Surge in his hand. Temari leaned against a display of Cheetos while waiting for Kankuro to finish and check out. She weighed the clues in her head. Surge was possibly the most toxic drink ever invented by humans. She once heard her father say he'd rather drink jet fuel. Why would he need such a powerful buzz so late? And he must have been desperately hungry, because going near that microwave meant risking radiation poisoning. That only meant one thing. He was not eating his vegetables. She made a mental note to shove some peppers down his throat. Kankuro's taco dinged, and he went over to the counter.

"That'll be $ 9.56." The manager told Kankuro.

Kankuro reached for his kunai. Oh my god! Temari thought. He's going to hold up a Speedy Mart! But, he was just getting his wallet.

"Oh, and one more thing." Kankuro said, before looking around and leaning closer to the teller. This piqued Temari's interest and she scooted closer.

"Two packs of the new stuff." He whispered into the clerks ear. He nodded, and produced a small paper bag, which he slid over to kankuro.

"Seven Bucks." The teller said.

"That's a rip off! The pricing on these things is getting ridiculous." Kankuro muttered before forking over the cash. He grabbed all of his bags and left.

"Excuse me," Temari asked the clerk, "But what was in that bag?"

"Sorry, only specified costumers can know that. And Kankuro has specifically asked me to make sure you don't find out."

Temari left the store with a new theory in mind. Kankuro was a drug dealer. There was no other way around it. But just what kind of drugs were they? And why was he doing this? They certainly weren't having money troubles... This mystery needed solving, and fast. If he was dealing drugs, lots of people could get hurt.

Temari hurried up, making sure she was just out of sight of her brother. But now he seemed confident that no one was following him, and rarely checked back. He was fast approaching a street corner. Temari figured this was his little dealing home.

"Oi, Kankuro!" Someone shouted. Temari lept sideways into an alley, which she immediately regretted since there wasn't actually an alley, and leaping sideways into brick walls hurts something awful.

"Where have you been?" Someone else asked, "You know we can't start without you."

"I know, I know, I just had to pick up the _magic_ ingredients, that's all." Kankuro said.

Temari didn't like the way he emphasized magic like that. After massaging the bump on her head, she figured that maybe this wasn't a drug ring at all, but some sort of underground cult. Surge probably had some magical properties, and she still didn't know what was in that bag.

She saw about four, no, five other people besides Kankuro enter a building and close the door behind them.

"Shoot, gotta hurry!" she said, running to the door and trying to unlock it. No way her brother was going to be in some freaky cult.

"Damn," she swore under her breath. Whoever made this lock knew what they were doing. She'd need to find another way in. Temari heard a hissing noise and looked up. The ventilation shaft. Classic. She scampered up the wall in ninja fashion and entered silently.

By the time she reached a grate, the strangers and Kankuro were all sitting around a table.

"Before we start the meeting of The Order of the Ebon Hand, our official lord and necromancer Kankuro would like to say a few words."

Kankuro stood up and all the other boys, who were wearing similar face paint, made some kind of weird salute. Kankuro cleared his throat.

"My followers and brethren, it seems that a rival guild from Konoha, The Holy Leaf Alliance of Nature, has challenged us by putting their champion in the tournament. I have decided that I shall enter the tournament, to show them who the real power is in the ninja world. In the famous last words of the demon lord Krados, Unckshaklae! Fyragahe! Nuvetkall!"

Kankuro's speech was greeted with massive applause, and he took his seat again. Temari was now positive Kankuro was a cultist, and not only that, but a leader! This was getting creepy, but she decided not to bust him just yet. The announcer stood up again.

"Now calm down, all of you. We have to discuss events in the Falhella region. It seems the territory is being taken at an alarming rate, and we've been asked to assist"

Falhella? Where the heck was that? She'd never seen such a name on a map.

"What's in it for us?" A chubby looking member perked up.

"8000 gold, and rights to 3 sq miles of territory."

"What! TheLysic Conventgot way more than that last time this happened."

Temari was soon lost in their babble. She was skilled at deciphering codes, but they kept on spitting out nonsense words that just weren't making any sense. The places they were talking about quite simply didn't exist! Was this cult planning to take over some area? And every once and a while, they would slip into different languages entirely. Languages that didn't exist.

"Oh, master Kankuro." One of the cultists said.

"Yes?" Kankuro replied.

"You said that you had finished them. Are they really done?"

"Of course, wanna see?" Kankuro said airly

The cultists hopped up and down with glee, something that cultists weren't supposed to do.

Kankuro smiled and threw back his hood. On top of his head were two (obviously fake) demon horns. Temari just stared as the weirdos each took turns oohing and aahing at the plastic things.

"That's not all." Kankuro said. He procured the bag he acquired at the shop, and whipped out two packs of what looked like trading cards.

"I'm not taking on the champion without Guildpact backing me up!" Kankuro declared, opening the packs.

Temari nearly laughed out loud. Nerds! They were all nerds! Bloody, honest to goodness nerds. And Kankuro was the ringleader. No wonder he didn't want anyone finding out. This was just embarrassing. Temari held her ribs as each of them watched Kankuro open the packs with earnest. All right, it was time to leave, she told herself. She was in the process of turning around, when the whole system buckled and went plummeting to the floor. Temari spilled out onto the floor in a poof of dust, and coughed.

"A ghost!" One of the nerds stupidly said, leaping into another's arms scooby-doo style.

"TEMARI!" Kankuro said, shocked and furious. Temari quickly let herself out.

"Well, Temari the super sleuth solves another case," she said to herself while walking home. Kankuro was going to get a real taunting the next morning. She opened the door and stared into the living room. Gaara was sitting in a kiddy pool full of whip cream with no shirt and wearing _her_ pants.

Temari was once again worried.

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Oh, Gaara. He's so silly. Yes, I know the characters are a little Ooc, so sue me. And those words and places are indeed made up, with the exception of The Order of the Ebon Hand. Whoever finds out where I got that from first gets a free lollipop!

Please review!


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